By Leo BabautaI often get asked about how to remember to be mindful more of the time — how can we remember to not only be present more, but to be compassionate, to drop into our bodies when we’re feeling difficult emotions, to have a beginner’s mind, to relax into the chaos of the moment? How can we be mindful a little more of the time? I would challenge you to something higher: how can we be mindful all the time? The answer is that we can’t. I don’t know anyone, even Zen priests, who is mindful all the time. But that shouldn’t stop us from having that intention — while not holding onto the ideal or expectation. What would happen if we held an intention to be mindful all the time? What would shift for us? I believe holding this intention causes a few shifts:
Can you turn toward this intention to be mindful all the time? Can you open yourself to this impossible intention? Let’s talk about how to hold the intention as best we can. Why It’s Important to Be Mindful MoreWhy even bother with an impossible intention like this? You’d better have a pretty good reason, because it will not come easily. There will be forgetting, disappointment, difficulty, struggle, and constant starting again. All beautiful things! Have a deeper reason than, “It would be cool.” For example, some reasons I’ve found to be important:
You might have your own reasons. Perhaps you want to fully soak in the time you have with your kids, or a dying parent. Perhaps you know your days are limited, and the thought of spending those days distracted is heartbreaking to you. Perhaps you’re struggling greatly with someone you love, and you want to drop your stories about them and be more loving to them. Maybe you have meaningful work to do in the world, and you’ve been letting distractions and urges get in the way, and you want to find a mindful way to do that meaningful work more of the time. Find a reason that’s worth practicing for, that’s more important than the small discomforts you’ll encounter as you practice. How to Remember to Be Mindful All the Damn TimeRemembering something all the time doesn’t come naturally to us — we have to set up our environment to make it more likely to happen. So here’s what I recommend:
You don’t have to incorporate all of these ideas, but they are elements you might play with, see what helps the most. How to Work With Whatever Comes UpAs you practice mindfulness, you’ll notice a bunch of different things coming up, possibly including:
These and other struggles will come up, around your intention to be mindful or possibly unrelated to that intention. And you’ll feel frustrated that you’re feeling it, or disappointed, hurt, and harsh with yourself. Having these feelings or difficulties come up is not a problem. The key is to work with them. Here’s how:
Once you start practicing in this way, you can trust that you’ll be OK with any emotion, even anger and anxiety. It’s not a problem, it’s just something to practice with. It’s just a part of your experience. Then every emotion becomes an opportunity to practice, and you can say thank you to anyone or anything that causes the emotion! How to Constantly Learn and GrowIf you practice mindfulness like this, with the recommendations above, you’ll get better and better at the skill of remembering, of dropping in, of being with whatever arises. But there will be a part of you who thinks you should be doing better. Practice with this pain in the way I outlined in the previous section — it’s just a small pain, you can handle it. Then, from a place of peace, you can deepen your learning. Drop in some more, and see if you can fully feel every single emotion. Notice the areas where you’re resisting being mindful, and see if you can open up to that resistance. Notice the areas where you forget to be mindful most often — it’s usually an area where you get easily hooked — and see if you can practice with this hookedness in small doses. See if you can get help in these areas. Notice where you are having the most difficulty, and see if you can start to loosen up your thoughts that are causing the difficulty. If you’re really angry with someone for behaving how they shouldn’t, for example, try being curious about these super solid thoughts about how the other person should behave. Is it really true that they should behave that way? How do you know? I don’t even know how I should behave, let alone how someone else should behave. What would you be like if you could let go of that thought? See the work of Byron Katie for more on this inquiry. Over and over, see where your edges are. We all have an edge, a place where it’s difficult for us, and it’s different for every person. Find those edges, and push into them daily, relishing the gnarliness of the discomfort of the edges! Join Me in My Fearless Training ProgramIf you’d like to train with me and others, we’re learning how to shift our habitual patterns using mindfulness techniques and the support of fellow trainees — check out my Fearless Training Program. We’ll be working on:
It’ll be amazing. Let’s work on this together. Join my Fearless Training Program on Patreon today. via Tumblr How to Be Mindful All the Time
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